Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
