is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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