it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
