did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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