Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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