what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
