I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
