don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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