Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
