From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
