Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
