Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
