id be glad to
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize