Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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