I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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