we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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