Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
