I just saw a hot homeless man
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
