did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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