Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
