I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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