We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
