That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize