Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
