it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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