my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
