Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
