why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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