To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
