The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
