I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize