I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
love makes seman taste better
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
