love makes seman taste better
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
