I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize