sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
