Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
