You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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