Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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