I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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