Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you never un-have a 4some
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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