Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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