in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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