This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
