i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
