You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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