The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
