Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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