My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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