I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
