I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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