Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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