I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
