After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
