hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
