Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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