Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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