Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
