I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
