I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
40s are totally the cure
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My life is pants optional.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
