I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
