i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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