Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
