You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I want to make a zoo with you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
