I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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