is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
