i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
