i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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