fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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