I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
